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Civility Matters – So Does Integrity

Watching TV news this morning gave me an uneasy, almost sickening feeling. I watched several, different media channels, and the lead stories were the same – the ongoing Benghazi investigation, the wrongful probing of targeted groups by the IRS, and now a growing scandal regarding the government and reporters at the Associated Press.

Forget the partisan politics perhaps driving some of these headlines. I’m not going to address the potential damage some of these probes may have on individual participants or groups of people. The reason I am feeling this sense of dread, is that beneath all of these headlines is one glaring fact: We, as a country, have lost our way. We used to put a premium on doing the right thing. We valued integrity and honesty in our leaders and the institutions that directly impacted our daily lives.

Somehow, slowly, but surely, we have started to believe that the ends justify the means – as long as you don’t get caught. Those weren’t the rules I grew up with in my house. What about you? When I was young I was taught to do the right thing. If I made a mistake, or a bad choice, I was told to apologize and try to help mitigate any damage my actions might have caused. In other words, I was taught to consider the other person and take responsibility for my actions.

Now, it seems if you have the right spin on the story you concoct, or a complex cover-up, you can beat the system. That’s not how it’s suppose to work. In fact, we’re seeing example after example that it isn’t working. So why are so many people playing it fast and loose?

It’s time for voices who value civility and integrity to rise up and start shouting for change. That’s what I’m doing with my Boomer and Halley(c) book series for children 4-8. I’m trying to show young children that being good citizens has long-term reward. Please join us. Participate in this site and others like it. Civility training has to start young and it has to start now!

Posted on May 14, 2013 in All Articles, Civility for Adults

Civility Champion of the Month: Gabrielle Giffords

Being of service to one’s family, community, or nation, is a bedrock value of civility. Couple that with a compassionate, caring, and dedication to her constituents and I am proud to choose Gabrielle “Gabby” Giffords for April’s Boomer and Halley Civility Champion Award.

After surviving a near-fatal shooting, the former Congresswoman continues to inspire people everywhere she goes.

In her own words…

“Standing up for one’s own integrity makes you no friends. It is costly. Yet, defiance of the mob, in the service of that which is right, is one of the highest expressions of courage I know.”

Continue Reading →

Posted on April 15, 2013 in Civility Champion of the Month

Why my mom always hated Mother’s Day! A Lesson in Appreciation

Americans spend more than 18-billion dollars on Mother’s Day gifts. According to the National Retail Federation, we each spend around $153 on gifts for the woman who gave us birth. This special day has become big business. And, for one woman I know well, that’s the problem.

I know this sounds crazy. But before every Mother’s Day my mom would start to grumble. It began with all the ads on TV for cards, jewelry, flowers, and special meals at expensive restaurants. The radio and print ads would only increase her unease. Oh, sure she put up with all the fuss we made over her year after year, but she never seemed to enjoy the attention all that much.

The Explanation

Finally, I got up the gumption to ask her THE question: “Mom, what is it about Mother’s Day that makes you so unhappy?” Her answer gave me pause… Continue Reading →

Posted on April 4, 2013 in Civility for Family

The Rude Ones Down the Street

Now that rude behavior is all around us, we sometimes have to deal with situations that require a real dose of civility.

One of the recent questions submitted to our Ask Mary Jane series brought this to light. I was asked, “What do you do when your children’s friends are over at your house, and they’re acting out of control? What options do you have?”

The Rules

The fact is, you probably have more options that we can cover here. From my own experience growing up, to talking with parents facing this dilemma today, we found a common theme. You have to set boundaries and then make sure everyone adheres to them. Do your kids know, “The Rules of Your House?” These don’t have to written down, but they should be known and understood. What do you allow, and what don’t you allow? Civility has to be practiced, it doesn’t just happen.

Implementation

It may be frustrating to encounter rude behavior in public places, but there may not be much you can do to change that. (Although, I’d love to explore your thoughts on that subject at a later date). But, when it comes to your house, you can, and should be clear about conduct that OK and not OK. This gives your children a chance to turn to their friend and say, “Hey, my folks don’t let us do that.” This lets you child off the hook for being the bad guy, and just states the facts of the case. If, for some reason, the visiting child doesn’t get the message, you can go to phase two. Some parents will get involved at this point and say to the visitor, “Do I need to take you home and have a chat with your parents?” That usually does it.

If you have any other solutions to this kind of situation, please share with us. We’d love to hear from you!

Posted on April 2, 2013 in Little Lessons in Civility

Ask Mary Jane: How to help the behavior of your children’s friends?

askmaryjane3
“Ask Mary Jane” is a weekly series on our blog in which Mary Jane shares civil answers to your toughest questions.

We’d love to hear from you! Submit your own question »

This week’s question…

What do you do when you kids’ friends are over at your house and they’re completely out of control? Do you say something to them? Call their parents? It’s gotten really bad at times.

– Sarah, parent of two Newark, New Jersey

Mary Jane’s answer…

Hi Sarah, that can be tricky. I’ve had this question from others as well. I can tell you what worked in my family…

My parents made it very clear to us what behavior was – and wasn’t – allowed in our home. That went for us, and anyone we brought to the house. So, if one of our friends starting acting out, we would tell them, “Sorry, but my folks don’t allow that (whatever that is) in our house.”

In this way, my parents were the bad guys, and I got to play good guy. It was very hard for my friends to argue with that approach. If they kept at it, my parent(s) would step in and explain if they didn’t stop, they would be taken home and there would be a chat with the kid’s parents.

The key here is: you have to establish the rules of the house so that everyone is on the same page. Hope this helps!

We’d love to hear from you! Submit your own question to Ask Mary Jane.

Posted on April 2, 2013 in Ask Mary Jane

Ask Mary Jane: How to talk politics with young children?

askmaryjane3
“Ask Mary Jane” is a weekly series on our blog in which Mary Jane shares civil answers to your toughest questions.

We’d love to hear from you! Submit your own question »

This week’s question…

With all the rude stuff politicians say these days, how do you talk about politics with young children?

- Dave, grandfather Greensboro, NC

Mary Jane’s answer…

Having covered politics and politicians as a reporter, I can tell you it has gotten a lot rougher out there.

One thing I recommend is to start with the concept of service. Most politicians I’ve talked to behind the scenes tell me they got into politics to try and make changes in their communities. Being of service is a great concept of civility.

Why not try that approach and see where it takes you!

“Ask Mary Jane” is a weekly series on the Boomer and Halley blog. Submit your own questions for Mary Jane – [add link to ask form]

Posted on April 2, 2013 in Ask Mary Jane

Ask Mary Jane: What inspired the book Scavenger Hunt?

askmaryjane3
“Ask Mary Jane” is a weekly series on our blog in which Mary Jane shares civil answers to your toughest questions.

We’d love to hear from you! Submit your own question »

This week’s question…

I was wondering how you came up with the idea for your first book, Boomer and Halley – Scavenger Hunt?

– Sharon, Pasadena, CA

Mary Jane’s answer…

Actually, Sharon, that storyline comes from my own childhood…

One weekend, when my brother and I visited my grandparents it, started to rain and they didn’t know what to do with us. My grandfather came up with the idea of hiding one dollar bills and Hershey Bars all over the house and having us go on a scavenger hunt to find them. It seemed like it took a long time to find all the items.

It sure was fun!

“Ask Mary Jane” is a weekly series on the Boomer and Halley blog. Submit your own questions for Mary Jane – [add link to ask form]

Posted on April 2, 2013 in Ask Mary Jane

Civility Spring Cleaning

Spring is the season of renewal. It’s also a time when a lot of people decide to do a little “Spring Cleaning” around the house. It’s a time to throw out, or donate, all those things that have been cluttering up closets without being used.

Cleaning Up Behavior

A friend of mine who is the mother of two young children offered an interesting twist on that time-honored tradition. She told me she challenged her kids to think of some behaviors that they might want to throw out, and replace with better ones. Intrigued, I asked her what did they offer to put on their lists?

Civility List Items

She said her son, 8, decided he would stop pouting when he didn’t get his way. He would take his dad’s advice and try to talk about stuff instead. He also said he would try to be nicer to his sister and would make more of an effort to keep his room clean.

Her daughter, 7, also talked about cleaning her room more, helping mom make meals, and remembering to feed the dog without always having to be asked.

My friend told me both children had to be reminded to put manners, teamwork, and sportsmanship on their lists. Reviewing their choices will be something that’s part of the exercise.

But, hey, it’s a start, and, what a wonderful idea. All of us could use a fresh approach to the way we treat others. This seemed like a gentle way to remind children to pay attention to their actions and the choices they make.

What would you put on your list?

Posted on April 2, 2013 in Civility for Family

The State of Civility – Where Do We Stand?

Parents, grandparents, and caregivers of young children are facing a common challenge. Rudeness is now an epidemic in this country. From casual conversation, articles, and blog discussions, you can find a theme. Most people, experts included, feel the best approach to the problem of incivility is to start young. Being a credible role model in a child’s life is one of the best ways to neutralize the negative effects of the culture.

Let me share some of the research that’s out there…

On June 22, 2010, Weber Shandwick, Powell Tate and KRC Research released new research that explores the state of civility in America. The survey asked 1,000 American adults to express their views about the tone and level of civility in government and traditional and social media.

Here are some of the results:

two in three respondents believe civility is a major problem while three in four believe the problem has gotten worse;
three in four said the financial crisis and recession made the level of civility in America worse;
just one in four expect civility to improve while one in three think it will get worse;
not surprisingly, the government and politics were identified as having the least civil discourse and a majority characterized America’s high schools, talk radio, and Hollywood celebrities as uncivil.

The big question is why does society reward bad behavior?

Does each of us secretly wish we could do the same thing and have such public exposure? Of course, it’s hard these days to do the right thing and wind up with your own television show. The public doesn’t want to see it and network executives give the public what they want. Or, is it the other way around? People who act responsibly and accept the consequences of their actions typically are not the kind of people who seek out notoriety for their good acts. They do it because of an inner voice or conscience that tells them it is the right way to behave.

I see no hope for civility becoming the norm in American life so long as our leaders act uncivil.

Incivility in public discourse seems to create a divide in how talk radio deals with important issues facing the nation. One side or the other makes fun of their opponents; dissects every last word to find a gaffe; and even exaggerates the opposing views to the point of distortion if not outright lying. Incivility then creeps into everyday life such as cutting people off on a roadway, shoving others to get to the head of a line, cursing in public and other forms of uncivil behavior.

The only way to address the many causes that lead to bad behavior is to start young and start now!

The Boomer and Halley© project uses civility issues that everyone is discussing and translates them into our virtual, cartoon world. The small Southern town of Shady Pines is a place where civility lives. We help children and adults discuss tough topics with kindness and compassion. We hope you’ll join the conversation.

Some research in this report provided by: Steven Mintz, aka Ethics Sage, on April 2, 2012.

Posted on April 1, 2013 in Civility for Adults

Paying It Forward

When you get discouraged about the numerous examples of rudeness we’re exposed to on a daily basis, here’s something to warm your heart. This story comes for the site of unspeakable tragedy just a few, short months ago. That’s when we were riveted by the horror we watched as a nation, when a gunman fired on elementary school children and the brave adults trying to shield them from harm.

Life Teaching a Lesson with Action

First grade teacher, Kaitlin Roig, and her students survived the slaughter. She recently spoke to Diane Sawyer, of ABC News, about the ordeal and the aftermath. This survivor is now teaching all of us an important life lesson: how to turn something horrible into something positive. Ms Roig was so touched by the gifts that people from all over the world sent to the children of Sandy Hook Elementary School, she decided that generosity should find other recipients.

Classes 4 Classes

Kaitlin Roig taught her students that it’s just as important to give as it is to receive. Then she took the idea one step further. She founded a website and a movement that helps students and teachers reach out to one another and share. The site is called: Classes 4 Classes. The act of caring and sharing is a basic tenant of civility. I urge you to watch the video of the story and be inspired!

Posted on March 22, 2013 in Civility in the News

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